Adventures in Living a Healthy, Juicy Life
Giving someone a dirty look – by that I mean the kind of look that stops people in their tracks when they’re doing something or saying something disrespectful to you. Dirty looks are a natural response to being disrespected.
Lately, I’ve been noticing people allowing themselves to be diminished or invalidated – meaning walked on like a doormat – by others. I find that upsetting.
It’s so easily handled when you know how to throw a dirty look effectively. Dirty looks require practice, good timing and the willingness to back up your look with strong words, if necessary. Really effective dirty looks require no words at all. People recognize their error and back down. Isn’t that how it works when someone throws you a dirty look?
We use dirty looks to issue a warning and establish boundaries. We all know someone who gets treated like this hapless lass in this cartoon:
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
The trouble is, when you let someone get away with treating you that way once, they do it over and over again.
- a feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something
- to pay attention to and refrain from violating something
- to show consideration or thoughtfulness in relation to somebody or something
- to value, have reverence for or hold a high opinion of
- to admire
Removing people from my life who are disrespectful to me has been one of the most difficult and most rewarding habits I’ve taken on in my quest to “Stay Young – from the Inside Out”. It takes something to stand up to people.
Habit #38: Say NO, when you mean NO.
Here’s another example of being disrespected from dumbemployed.com
“At work today, I was watering the office plants when I looked inside the dirt pot. I found a key ring, a piece of gum, an empty Mountain Dew bottle and a business card inside. It was my business card. I’m dumbemployed.”
How do we earn respect from others?
- vanquishing foes
- losing bravely
- getting the job done well
- overcoming the odds
- doing the best we can
- being responsible for putting our best foot forward
- fighting for what we believe in
- NOT tolerating being dishonored or shamed
Another question to ask is: Are you disrespecting yourself? Do you make promises that you fail to keep? Do you say you’ll do something and then fail to perform – no show or accidentally forget? You reap what you sow. Start with yourself. Where’s your pride? Self-respect is honoring to yourself and to the people around you. If you want respect, be the person “we can set a clock by”.
Introducing the Experts
Here’s the good news and the bad news. The good news is that it’s not hard to set good boundaries. The bad news is the responsibility for setting boundaries rests entirely with you. No one is going to do it for you. When you respect yourself, other people will respect you too. When you stand up for yourself, other people will stand up for you too. But, no one will fight your battles for you.
Not sure what to do when someone is being disrespectful? Like any other habit, standing up for yourself must be practiced on a regular basis. Practice setting and maintaining good boundaries.
Every person in the world has a version of a dirty look. We’ll help you find yours. It works beautifully – don’t even have to say anything. It’s not a special trick. In fact, you already
When I feel respected, I’m able to let my guard down. I notice who’s around when I feel the need to keep my guard up and where I feel comfortable taking it down. That might sound strange to you, but I’ve only recently learned to recognize that I had an option.
Try it! You’ll be happier. Everyone will know where they stand with you. You’ll feel more balanced, more solid, more grounded. What you
believe about yourself shows up on your face. Make sure yours is communicating the right message at the right time.
Oh, there is that other dirty look. The look we reserve for men who deserve it. Ladies, I can show you how to rock that look too. We’re gonna need a different panel of experts…
Be respectful to people. Life works better that way.
Looking for other people’s comments?
They are on the right hand side of this post.
How have you been standing up for yourself lately?
Leave a comment or else send a link with a good example that you found on-line:
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